In a word – disappointing. I have to say I was really excited when Madrid pals Lauren and Ale came down to join me in Málaga for what would be my first ever Michelin star experience (it was their second). We’d spent the early afternoon out and and about on a light market & tapas tour with Victor @WeLoveMalaga and by late evening we were more than ready for another fabulous food experience.

Things started off promising when we arrived and were asked if we would like to have our starter course outside on the terrace overlooking the beautifully renovated Muello Uno, which we enjoyed with a nice glass of cava. Then we were led into the very spartan looking dining area, relieved somewhat by a pretty “hanging garden” wall of green plants on one side. And then the show began…

We chose the 54€ tasting menu which – surprise! – ended up being 65€ because the IVA wasn’t included in the price, then went up to 80€ each with wine. After our starters out on the terrace (which were frankly more cute & clever than tasty) we were ready to be impressed. But making a show of decanting our mineral water (huh?) and donning one white glove before serving anything seemed, well, a bit silly.

Don’t get me wrong. Nobody loves a good performance better than me, but it also has to fit and make sense. And when you are serving people who are paying very good money for quality food it also makes sense to get a feel of who your customers are. But no. We received coldly efficient service throughout our meal… actually TOO efficient as dishes barely finished were whisked away and immediately replaced with the next course, before we’d had time to finish the wines we’d ordered to go with them. Which made for some “interesting” DYI pairings…

And speaking of feeling rushed. At one point while enjoying the small quisquillas (prawns), and after a waiter had already tried to take away our unfinished plates, a women who seemed to be a manager actually came out and said “are you finished now??”. We were dumbfounded as it was so intrusive and rude. But there was more to come.

There was one spectacular dish – the hake with beets – which made us all heave a sigh of relief. But this was followed by a completely tasteless beef cheek which left us wondering how you could suck all the life and flavour out of what is usually a crazy-tasty dish. Then after a “party trick” dessert and some frankly unpleasant sweet after-thoughts in a box we were done.

I don’t know about you, but if I pay 80 euros for a meal with wine I really want to enjoy more than one spectacular dish. I realise I’m new to this whole Michelin star thang, but I do know good food and so I’m not going to be blinded by superficial attempts at appearing to be something special. I don’t need my mineral water decanted, I don’t need to be led to the ladies room by the waiter (seriously, he did this), but I do expect to feel welcome and that the wait staff are capable of engaging in some semblance of personal interaction. We all felt the staff seemed not only very young (other than the manager) but also very inexperienced. No donning of a white glove is going to change that.

So that’s it. My first ever Michelin star experience was not so great. And my dinner companions felt the same (actually Ale was even more disappointed than I was). But I have another one coming up soon so let’s hope that turns out better.

Plaza de la Capilla, Muelle Uno
Málaga
Tel 952 003 588
José Carlos García Website
€ € € € €

Lauren and Ale

hot gin foam with cold grapefruit granita

fried almonds “calle nueva”, chicharrones,
savoury macarron, sunflower seed polvorón

mackerel with strawberries in various forms and black beer sorbet

quisquillas on sliced turnip with gamba fumé

hake with beets and “falsa gazpachuela”

beef cheeks with carrots and potato purée

Dr Seuss looking crunchy “nest”-banana purée-citrus sorbet

chocolate mint coins, marshmallows, macarrones, cheesecake